10 reasons to stop being a cotton wool parent
1) It teaches kids to make decisions for themselves
If you never expose your children to risk how will they learn to assess danger for themselves? If a toddler can trip or fall over an obstacle then they probably will. But next time in that situation they’ll negotiate a way over or around it or give it a miss. If you allow and encourage your child to assess how risky something is for themselves, you help them learn to make sensible judgements.
2) It helps develop their confidence
Making decisions, taking responsibility for your own actions and dealing with the consequences of those actions breeds confidence. Who doesn’t want confident children?
3) It encourages independence
Do you really want a teenager who can’t cross the road without you holding their hand? If you don’t let kids experience the world for themselves, it’s going to be terrifying later, for both of you! Teach them the ropes of any activity, tame or extreme, then let them get on with it. You’ll thank yourself in the end when you have independent kids who realise how much freedom you gave them compared to their friends.
4) Kids need fresh air and freedom to grow
Research suggests we are breeding a nation of Nintendo kids, more familiar with the screen than the sky. Is this what you really want? What happened to fresh air and the freedomto wander? Let them out on their own occasionally. Boot them out if you have to. They will come back again. When they’re hungry.
Kids love a sense of freedom
5) It helps them make and live with their own choices
Imagine a life without choice. If you are cotton wool parenting then you are taking away their power and ability to make choices for themselves. You might as well lock them in their bedrooms until they reach 18. It’s not necessary to dive in and sort out every problem for them. A little well placed ‘benign neglect’ can require kids to make choices and deal with things for themselves.
6) It shows them you believe in them
If your children feel you believe in them, they will be happier, more go getting people. If your children don’t feel you believe in them, what do they learn?
Allowing kids to assess risk is not without risks
7) It gives you and them more freedom
Remember how great it felt when your parents sent you off out to play in the streets or picnic in the park, on your own? Why not offer some of thatjoy and freedom to your kids? Give them a watch, a phone and a time to come home. The first outing is the hardest, and then it gets easier.
8) Giving responsibility teaches responsibility
Responsible kids become responsible adults and responsible parents. The way you treat your kids shapes the way they will treat theirs. If you create cotton wool kids you may get generations of cotton wool grandchildren too.
Giving kids responsibility teaches responsibility
9) It helps develop resilience
Children are resilient. They bounce when they fall out of bed. Scrapes, scratches and grazes heal. Why not send them up a tree or off to scale a mountain. Let them discover their resilience.
10) It provides the space we all need to explore, discover, learn and grow
Pessimism breeds Eeyores. Stop thinking negatively. Let them think they can have the moon on a stick and see where that takes them. They may settle for just the moon or just the stick or think both are ‘so last year.’ But at least you’ve shown them the possibilities. And life, in the end, is all about seeing the possibilities.
